Or your money back!
April 20, 2014 § 4 Comments
Your mother says your posture needs work, and yup, you’re a sloucher.
Your boss checks the “excellent” box next to, “time management skills.” Woo-hoo, look at you, so darned efficient.
Your dog wags harder when you’re around. You’re great!
Most of those appraising you have skin in the game. Your ability to turn in an accurate expense report, or open a can of dog food directly impact the kind of day they are having.
Some of them even like you.
But some of those who work on your self-image most assiduously know you not at all. But they do know your hot buttons. Like shame.
You smell bad.
Your hair is limp.
You are too fat, too thin, too short, too tall, too…you.
Honey, you are just too.
Not to worry. For just $5.95, plus shipping and handling we can fix you. With our help you will no longer land on the left hand side of the bell curve where the losers languish.
With our help you will ride high on the fat part of the curve, you will be normal.
Wait. Did we say normal?
You mean you still have zits?
Luckily, we have a new and improved product that, in clinical tests (conducted by board certified skin-ologists) works 14.5 percent better than that other cream you bought from us.
If enough people are ashamed of the same thing it becomes profitable to do something about it.
But shame has lost some of its oomph. We’ve been shamed for as long as we’ve had anything to sell each other.
Flip shame over and you will find hubris. In addition to feeling bad about our shortcomings we are unreasonably self-absorbed and proud. On a good day we impress ourselves.
That’s why we respond to the more modern form of advertising that insists, “You deserve the very best. You are discerning. You know the difference between Naugahyde and genuine Corinthian leather. Sure it costs more, but you are worth it.”
Actually, you’re not, and no one’s butt can discern the difference between Naugahyde and leather.
In conclusion: there is no need to be ashamed—or overly impressed with yourself. As long as you are either, you are a customer waiting to happen.
Try this attitude out fourteen days at absolutely no charge!
Be grateful for what you are, not sorrowful about what you aren’t.
Or (better yet) think about yourself less and get to work on, a. global warming, b. world peace, or c. teaching your dog to dance in a funny skirt.
If, after 14 days you are not 100% satisfied with this attitude adjustment you pay nothing!
And, if you are among the first four million to order this product, shipping and handling are free!