At your dealer’s showroom now!
December 15, 2013 § 2 Comments
Perhaps it is too big for a sleigh overburdened with plastic and plush and the occasional puppy—it is definitely too big to wrap.
The latest model of the gift, the one coming to you, and me, and the entire world is the much-anticipated 2014.
It has no salesman in shiny shoes to demonstrate the features of this latest, greatest edition of that popular favorite, time.
If it did he would probably point out all the added luxury and convenience (at least for those who get theirs fully loaded). “No need to even push a button, just tap the screen!”
For the lucky, 2014 will have some sweet features, people! It will roll in, with surround sound, total connectivity, and a vanity plate with your name on it (although spelled with that certain DMV flair).
Although glossy, and possessing that new car smell, the new year, like those before it, may sometimes perform erratically.
That salesman, if he existed, wouldn’t tell you (he works on commission after all) that this model year, and every model year, may come with some mechanical glitches that will affect operation. And, if you read the fine print you will see that there is no provision for a recall.
Whatever the design flaw—and it can be life-threatening—drivers will have to cope. If it is universal enough, it may give us reason to pull together in an effort to solve the problem together.
The features will differ depending on the customer. Enjoy the leather interior if you’ve got it and try not to stick to the plastic seats if you’re in the stripped down model.
The good news is that you, yes you, can affect the performance of your brand new 2014. There are no guarantees, but here are some tips to improve your ride.
Don’t speed—at least not all the time. Put the danged thing in park once in a while and give it a rest.
Do not shake the cars around you with the volume of your music. Discard the angry CDs. Try a little Marvin Gaye or Judy Collins. Sing along.
Offer friends a ride in your 2014, especially if theirs is less sumptuous—and give a little of your travel time to the ragged guy standing beside the road—he got the stripped-down model of the gift or ran it into a ditch.
It might have even been his fault, but help him out anyway.
Obey the oil light.
Use less gas. There are a lot of us who will be driving around this model year.
Don’t think about the destination so much. Look out the window. Admire the scenery, just in case it’s true that you only pass this way once.
I don’t know about you, but this year I’m hoping for the convertible.
Note to my fellow writers: If there is a contest for hardest-pushed metaphor I believe I just won.