Maybe next time.
October 27, 2013 § 11 Comments
One who fulfills practical dreams by pulling a packet of the blue artificial sweetener out of an apron pocket when the pink just won’t do.
I’ll have a warm smile and an easy command of small talk like, “Gonna be a real scorcher today,” or, “Is that a new hairdo, Miss Evelyn?”
I’ll live comfortably in a world dominated by nouns I can pick up in a hand or run a sponge over. To put the world in order I’ll wipe the table, center the sugar tower and ketchup bottle, flip the sign to OPEN and unlock the door.
No chance of being that woman in this life. I don’t have the boobs for it, or the smoking habit. I don’t see the beauty of a tattoo, and I had a mother who was way too fussy in matters of grammar, but I think I’d like being that woman—blousy and comfortable.
For one spin of the wheel I wouldn’t mind saying, to hell with nuance, and can I warm that coffee up for you, hon?
Although I might become one more name written on the wind, lost for the cause and forgotten, I will not stay home scared, or complain that it is not my fight.
I will surrender my days for something bigger than self and the electricity of change will render me incandescent.
Perhaps we are there now at a pivotal moment and I am too close to see it, but I also lack the fury needed to rise up, rise up and fight. I’m too mild.
But for one life I would like to be heroic, my fight justified by the opinion of history.
I’ll admit it, this notion started with my husband, Ray.
Here is his sales pitch. Don’t think about the hunched silhouettes of vultures standing huddled like a conclave of old men.
Don’t think about their take on “road food.”
Watch them fly. They wheel high overhead. They never flap.
In this life, although I flap constantly, I never achieve altitude. Instead I travel on foot, the mud of life on my shoes.
For one life I would like to ride the thermals, detached, even if it means eating two-dimensional ‘possum.
In this go-round, I’ve been lucky and happy and maybe that’s why I want more.
I don’t know if I’ll get one, but I want a next time. And a next.
Life is too big to fit into this single span of years, this single set of circumstances. There is too much to learn and understand–no one could get it all in one quick tour.