January 27, 2012 § 20 Comments
Just like women, they can be friends, associates, competitors, neighbors.
What I wonder about is the brand, MEN: the hype, the front, the public face of the gender.
I’m not sure your PR person is doing you any favors, guys.
If you are a member of the supercategory, MEN, you may wonder about some of this yourself—I appreciate that living up to the manly hype is hard work and that you (the individual) may have opted out.
Still I have questions (I inquire on behalf of that other well-established brand WOMEN, Inc.). Please answer as honestly as the secret oath of Club MEN allows.
Is romance something invented by females that you play along with? Do we fall in love with who we imagine you are—and do you let us?
Do you know how many points you’d gain if you liked to dance?
Do you resent the fact your wardrobe is drab and unexciting, or does one of us on your arm do the trick without all the fuss?
What do you really talk about when it’s just guys? Not sports. That’s just a smokescreen thrown up to keep us guessing, right?
Does walking a poodle embarrass you? Ditto a Chihuahua.
When we ask the girl question, “What are you thinking,” are you?
Are those decisions you seem to make with such confidence arbitrary (do you have some internal paper/scissors/rock routine you run when confronted with a choice)? To be blunt, are you making it up as you go along?
Why is it that the more powerful and successful you are the less you can actually do? (Unstop a toilet, wire an electrical outlet, cook an omelet). And why are you so proud of your ignorance?
You do know that when you cross your legs we can see your socks. Your white socks. Your short white socks. Your hairy legs.
We consistently outperform you academically. We’re more diligent, more reliable, and easier to work with. Why are you still in charge?
What you do with all the tears you are not allowed to cry? And if you were allowed to cry, would that obviate the need to go to war?
Is your first thought really, I wonder if she’d go to bed with me? A guy told me that was thought numero uno, but maybe that was a guy joke.
Powerful and in charge–and yet you are slavishly willing to wear a necktie.
We accept your shortcomings. Ugly? Short? Fat? Old? Bald? We give you that generous blank to fill in: other. Tell us what you’ve got, we’ll overlook almost anything, especially if you make us laugh. I have never figured out the biological advantage of a funny mate but we all want one. Not joke-telling funny, just someone who can make the hard times less hard.
Why are you so unimaginative when interviewing us for a spot in your lives? Why do you look so hard at the package? We have lots of “other.”
We can be funny too.
Note: Feel free to answer or contradict my questions–or ask your own. WOMEN, Inc is a far from perfect brand. What’s with purses anyway?